Imagination and Wonder

There are two lines from the writings of the Chinese Zen Master Honghzi that I have always loved. I imagine their intention was instructive, however, the phrase about “wonder” is also inspiring and enchanting. This translation is from the work of Taigen Dan Leighton (Cultivating the Empty Field: The Silent Illumination of Zen Master Hongzhi).

“With thoughts clear, sitting silently, wander into the center of the circle and wonder. This is how you must penetrate and study.”

“Wonder” is not a word that is used frequently in spiritual writing these days. There is so much emphasis on belief and certainty, especially in religious writing, that the innocence and spaciousness of wonder have lost its place in religious dialogue.

I found Hongzhi’s words interesting in two ways. First, viewing wonder as an activity, as something that one can do—once you have wandered into the center of the circle. I imagine standing in a literal circle at the center of something, maybe at the heart of a labyrinth having just walked along its folding path, and purposely opening to the mystery on that sacred spot. I imagine this is the ordinary meaning intended by Hongzhi. Another more eccentric reading would be to see that wonder, along with the circle itself, is a place where you wonder. In this way, the center of the circle, along with wonder, are joined and become the place you would discover yourself wandering. Either way, wonder comes alive as a way to meet the great mystery and as a place to encounter mystery, both of which stand at the center of true spiritual practice.

The wonderful Franciscan priest and teacher Richard Rohr suggests that “wonder” can be a word connoting at least three ways of standing at the center. I have added a few things of my own, but the basic ideas are his.

Standing in disbelief or outside of belief. Without being caught in skepticism and negativity you might encounter the incomprehensible, the inconceivable.
Standing directly in the question itself. Not standing passively with the question, waiting for an answer, but with openness and vitality, the aliveness of intimacy with the question.
Standing in awe before something. Standing in awe demands that we drop self-importance and self-centeredness, but without abandoning self-responsibility. instead we learn to tolerate standing in awe as a source of deep nourishment and inspiration, not passivity.

In these three ways we are invited to wander into the center of the circle and wonder: with beginner’s mind, intimate with our questions, and in awe of the mystery.

Imagination is another word associated with wonder. I am not speaking of “fantasy,” but of an essential creativity of heart and mind necessary for spiritual practice. Here are a few reflections on “imagination.”

Imagination is beyond knowing, outside of conceptual thought. We literally imagine the world into existence through our senses.
Imagination brings the world alive, otherwise everything would be dead stuff lying there with no meaning and no relation to us and our world. This is the way life seems to someone deeply depressed. Things are seen, heard and felt, but the sensory data are dead. There is no vital imagination.
Through imagination we create and re-create the world—the impermanent, interdependent world. In doing so the world is made new again and again.
Imagination allows us to apprehend the wholeness of life, the fluid, vital, illusive whole that has meaning. We create narratives, live them, and pass them on as gifts of meaning.
Imagination invites us beyond the merely psychological into the religious or spiritual. We are embraced by the divine, or universal energy, or whatever we call it. We might even feel an embodied release through engagement in ceremony or even by simply entering a temple or church which is felt as sacred. This is only possible through imagination.

Spiritual practice may be the supreme act of imagination, but it must be embodied and enacted, not just imagined. We can embody kindness and enact care. These are everyday practices. Wander into the center of the circle and wonder at this great possibility.


What do I do now?

There are moments in life when everything suddenly changes, when things shift in an instant and the world seems unfamiliar and new. In these moments we often feel confused, ungrounded, shattered, disoriented and disenchanted. No matter what we call these turning moments, we tend to think of them as problems to be solved, difficulties to be set right, or at least understood so the world can be made “normal” again. But the truth is, there is no going back.

We all have our list of these moments and their residual impact: the death of a loved one, the birth of a child, passing a major milestone in life, the achievement of a lifelong goal, witnessing something completely inspiring or totally devastating. We may be brought to a new and more vivid place of aliveness by art, music, poetry or architecture. Something opens, turns, falls away, or is shown to be possible that simply did not exist before that moment. Then what?

Attempting to regain our bearings is the strategy for ordinary life. Moving with and through the sudden reversals and surprises is the direction offered by spiritual practice. Everyday questions seek a clear and sensible answer. Through spiritual inquiry we turn things upside down and question our seemingly clear and sensible answers. The “not knowing” of beginner’s mind is the open curiosity of “what do I do now?”

Our primary practice is zazen—sitting in silence and stillness. In doing so we learn to tolerate our questions without grasping too quickly for a sure answer. The essence of “silence” is simply learning to wait. Patience and curiosity are far more likely to open a space for what wants to emerge than a habitual reaction based in fear. At the heart of “stillness” is the capacity to resist the urge to fix. This can be a particularly difficult challenge, but practicing not-fixing along with waiting allows something new to emerge in the space that opens through the steady practice of zazen.

These are just a few of the things we met in Inquiry as we faced the question—“what do I do now that everything has changed?” The recording of this Inquiry is available (on my blog) following this short reflection. In addition to the Inquiry I would like to recommend the new book from my teacher Zenkei Blanche Hartman, beautifully edited by my dharma sister Zenju Earthlyn Manuel. The title is Seeds for a Boundless Life: Zen Teachings from the Heart (Shambhala, 2015). Here is a quote from Blanche in which she speaks to the question arising from surprising change:
“If we’re open to embracing the surprises as they arise, then there will be inconceivable joy. If we fuss and fume and say, “That isn’t what I expected,” then there will be inconceivable misery. Just to welcome your life as it arrives moment after moment, to meet it as fully as you can, being as open to it as you can, and meeting it wholeheartedly, this is renunciation—this is leaving behind all of your preferences, all of your ideas and notions and schemes. Just meeting life as it is.”
Blanche’s dharma name, Zenkei, means Inconceivable Joy.

The following is a snapshot of Blanche resting on the steps of the cabin where her sewing teacher Joshin-san lived while at Antai-ji Monastery. We had traveled from Kyoto to the West coast of Japan to pay homage to the newly installed marker on Joshin-san's grave site. Joshing-san passed on the lineage of sewing Buddha's Robe to Blanche and it was the many hours I was fortunate to spend assisting Blanche in the sewing room that showed me her deep devotion and the true spirit of Zen.



Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-09-08-inquiry-flint-sparks

Ask me

This past September (2016) during the Swiss retreat one of my students brought a beautiful poem to me in practice discussion. The poem, Ask Me, is by one of my favorite American poets, William Stafford (1914-1993). I've lived with the poem these three months and wanted to bring it to Inquiry. There is so much in this brief but powerful verse which reflects the depth of Inquiry; the invitation to meet each other intimately and honestly, the willingness to face the immense beauty as well as the unpleasant truth of our lives, the necessity of listening deeply to the questions and to attend to their responses, and to note the ways in which life invites us to solidify into "selves" below which truth moves more freely. We grasp for solid ground in an ever-changing and completely interdependent flow of contingencies. In doing so, we abandon the warmth of lived experience for the false hope of certainty. Can we "hold the stillness exactly before us?"

The recorded Inquiry opens in response to the poem but the poem is enough in itself. Live with it as I have. It has gifts for you hidden in the stillness.

Ask Me
~ William Stafford

Some time when the river is ice ask me
mistakes I have made. Ask me whether
what I have done is my life. Others
have come in their slow way into
my thought, and some have tried to help
or to hurt: ask me what difference
their strongest love or hate has made.

I will listen to what you say.
You and I can turn and look
at the silent river and wait. We know
the current is there; hidden; and there
are comings and goings from miles away
that hold the stillness exactly before us.
What the river says, that is what I say.

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-11-10-inquiry-flint-sparks




Let's Grow Up

Growing into our fullness, into true human maturity, is the primary function of authentic spiritual practice. If we live long enough or pay attention carefully enough, we will inevitably meet the universal, unanswerable questions such as—“What is this life?—Why am I here?—What am I supposed to do with this life?—What happens next?”

Willingness to respond to these core questions without contracting or fleeing, while cultivating the capacity to tolerate responding without the satisfaction of ultimate “answers” are hallmarks of maturity. Here is a quote from Suzuki Roshi:
We want to be fooled by something. That is maybe why we say that human beings do not like something real. But human beings like something unreal. That is very true. You don’t like anything real.
This may be a difficult message to hear. Secretly or at least unconsciously, most of us would rather relinquish full responsibility for our lives and forgo the demands of growing up. We would rather relax into a dream of false comfort and apparent safety, hoping it will all turn out OK. We are terrified of the “real” and yet suffer because we don’t or won’t look. We enter spiritual practice wanting to know the truth and then flinch at what we discover.

Here is a fierce poem by Jennifer Welwood which speaks to this dilemma and the requirement of disciplined practice. A “dakini” is a figure in Tibetan Buddhist iconography and mythology which is often depicted as a female warrior—telling the truth and taking no prisoners.
The Dakini Speaks — Jennifer Welwood

My friends, let's grow up.
Let's stop pretending we don't know the deal here.
Or if we truly haven't noticed, let's wake up and notice.
Look: everything that can be lost, will be lost.
It's simple—how could we have missed it for so long?
Let's grieve our losses fully, like ripe human beings,
But please, let's not be so shocked by them.
Let's not act so betrayed,
As though life had broken her secret promise to us.
Impermanence is life's only promise to us,
And she keeps it with ruthless impeccability.
To a child she seems cruel, but she is only wild,
And her compassion is exquisitely precise:
Brilliantly penetrating, luminous with truth,
She strips away the unreal to show us the real.
This is the true ride—let’s give ourselves to it!
Let's stop making deals for a safe passage:
There isn't one anyway, and the cost is too high.
We are not children any more.
The true human adult gives everything for what cannot be lost.
Let's dance the wild dance of no hope!
One final word for those who have been harmed by the loud voice screaming—“Grow up!” There are ways in which this injunction is communicated in violent and unhealthy ways. That is not the teaching here. Many people find themselves in a psychological bind as they attempt to navigate the conflicting messages they receive in their families. These are the messages that are often received from immature parents, partners, friends, and even spiritual teachers. The paradox is set in place when you get the message—“Don’t grow up,” along with the message—“Don’t be a child.”

Very briefly, here are the core messages and the antidotes which were expanded and amplified in the Inquiry itself.

Don’t grow up: The person in power communicates in some way—“I want you to remain immature so I can remain in control.” The underlying message from the person in power is—“I’m actually a frightened child. Don’t ever leave me.”

The practices that liberate you from this message require:
  1. A willingness to find your own voice, especially in the service of individuation from the unreal dependency that is being encouraged.

  2. A capacity to learn about appropriate boundaries, especially if you want to be deeply intimate.
Don’t be a child: The person in power also communicates—“You are not to have your own feelings. I can’t handle them. Don’t be a child and have needs. Above all, don’t need me. I need you.”

The practices that liberate you from this message require:
  1. The courage to allow and accept your feelings and to learn how to navigate them self-responsibly.

  2. The skill to become attentive to both your intention in relationships as well as your impact in all situations.
Maturity: Fundamentally this is the capacity to think and feel at the same time, to accept your vulnerability and limitations while, at the same time, owning and embodying your authority and responsibility. In other words, a willingness and a capacity to tolerate what is real.

Inquiry audio:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-09-01-inquiry-flint-sparks




Simply Aware

Awareness is always aware. It may be odd to consider awareness as something that flourishes without needing “you.” I don’t mean that there is no requirement for a body that is alive, a brain that receives and interprets sensory input, and the alchemy that occurs when all these elements come together. I mean that awareness is aware before the person thinks that they are aware and continues after a moment of self-conscious awareness. Awareness is just aware. It is only aware.

Simple awareness does not move, makes no comment, has no preferences and does not require the reflexive “self” to flourish. Awareness, like breathing is not something we do. We can become conscious of our thinking, reflecting, feeling, story making, reacting, and all the miraculous capacities of consciousness. But simple awareness just rests as awareness, a place in which we enact all of these self-generating and self-maintaining activities. We can become conscious of our breath as well. We can manipulate it wilfully, but eventually it will continue to breathe us. There is no self needed for breath to continue during sleep or in any moment in which we forget ourselves and move effortlessly in present moment experience.

Awareness is simple aware.

Zazen is said to be “just sitting.” Technically, it is not a form of meditation. It is not an instrumental activity used to create a personal result. Zazen does zazen, yet we engage in the ceremony of sitting in an upright posture, in relative silence and stillness, to bear witness to and to embody simple awareness.

In zazen we are invited not to move, even as we sit in an alive body that is subtly moving. We are invited not to comment, even on our comments. We are invited to hold preferences lightly and release them, even as they inevitably arise. Zazen does zazen. There is no need for a meditator nor a meditation in order to demonstrate our commitment to simple awareness.

Immediately following Inquiry on August 18, I visited Antaro Burke in his room at Christopher House (a facility for Austin Hospice). He was not socially engaged in a conventional way, yet there was awareness. His personality was not required for the shared intimacy. There was no one else in the room with us so I simply sat and touched him—a hand on his shoulder, moments of gently holding his hand, or at times a soft hand on his forehead. I said a few things but not much. Simple awareness. Just sitting. Together. It was clear that awareness was aware. I have no idea of the form or content of “his” awareness. In fact, I now see that as soon as I use the pronoun “his” I create a self that is aware. And in writing this sentence there is the necessity to type “I create a self” and in doing so I create not only a self lying in the bed, but a self-standing by the bed attending to the one in the bed. It is inevitable that we create these selves but completely unnecessary for awareness to be aware. No self was required, yet the moment was complete. This is the great mystery. I have no idea how consciousness works and neuroscientist are unable to explain it. Yet, there was awareness, the flow of presence. There was Antaro in the bed, and Flint sitting with him. It seemed to me that there were small responses, simple shifts in orientation, the ever-changing breath, all seemingly in response to our vital connection. But I really don’t know. The contents of awareness were irrelevant, just the simple fact of awareness and our presence. No “I” was required for profound connection. No “self” was required for love to open. Just awareness and bodily presence.

Antaro passed away peacefully surrounded by his family at 3:20 PM on Monday, August 24. His Memorial Service was held at Live Oak Unitarian Church on Friday, August 28.



Here are a few teaching quotes I drew from for this Inquiry. I’ve not added any additional commentary here because they are used in the Inquiry talk. I offer them here for your reflection.

The zazen I speak of is not learning meditation. – Dogen

The more you think about these matters, the farther you are from the truth. Step aside from all thinking and there is nowhere you can’t go. – Hsin Hsin Ming

One should realize that one does not meditate in order to go deeply into oneself and
withdraw from the world... There should be no feeling of striving to reach some exalted
or higher state, since this simply produces something conditioned and artificial that will
act as an obstruction to the free flow of the mind... The everyday practice is simply to
develop as complete awareness and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all
people, experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages, so
that one never withdraws or centralizes onto oneself… – Dzogchen text

Wide and far-reaching without limit,
pure and clean, it emits light.
Its spiritual potency is unobscured.
Although it is bright, there are no objects of illumination.
It can be said to be empty,
yet this emptiness is [full of] luminosity.
It illumines in self-purity,
beyond the working of causes and conditions,
apart from subject and object.
Its wondrousness and subtleties are ever present,
its luminosity is also vast and open.
Moreover, this is not something that can be conceived of
as existence or nonexistence.
Nor can it be deliberated about with words and analogies.
Right here—at this pivotal axle,
opening the swinging gate and clearing the way—
it is able to respond effortlessly to circumstances;
the great function is free from hindrances.
At all places, turning and turning about,
it does not follow conditions, nor can it be trapped in models.

– On Silent Illumination: Hongzhi


Inquiry audio:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-08-25-inquiry-flint-sparks

The Minds of Summer: An Interview

For the past three years I have had the wonderful opportunity to be part of the faculty for the Cape Cod Summer Institute and I look forward to teaching there again in 2016. This year the Institute's founder and Director, Gil Levin, in association with Teresa Martin of the Lower Cape TV, organized a series, The Minds of Summer, “featuring conversations with leading thinkers from the Cape Cod Institute's renowned series of summer workshops.” I was fortunate to be selected as one of the teachers interviewed for the series and I have provided the link below. I hope you enjoy it.

Episode 9: Flint Sparks, PhD

Turning Therapy Inside Out

The title of this post is actually not mine. It is the title given to a recent blog post by Marcia Brubeck from Hartford Connecticut. Marcia is a counselor and coach who participated in my class at the Cape Cod Summer Institute last week (Growing Up and Waking Up: Applied Mindfulness in Psychotherapy and Buddhist Practice). Her writing is an amazingly faithful reflection of the teachings I hoped to offer and a warmly insightful synthesis of her own experiences. I feel a deep gratitude for her efforts in generating this post and for the care she took in putting it together in such a coherent and meaningful way. Enjoy her excellent writing and hopefully our shared work will turn therapy inside out. Thank you, Marcia!

Turning Therapy Inside Out


Reflections on Illness, Old Age and Death

The Buddha was determined to resolve his questions about suffering after encountering someone who was quite ill, another person who was struggling with the inevitable decline of old age, and after witnessing family members preparing the body of a loved one for cremation after death. This is the “Great Mater” investigated in Zen practice and will be the theme of my Fall course at Appamada, Living Our Dying.

As I was preparing for today’s Inquiry I received a message that a beloved sangha member has entered hospice. He is in his 80’s and has been declining physically in recent months even while his spirits have remained quite vibrant. We were told that he has a few days to live. One of my dear friends just lost his son two weeks ago. The young man died when his vehicle hit a tree after he fell asleep driving home at night on a country road. Today, I also learned that another sangha member in the UK has had a recurrence of her cancer. Illness, old age and death are with us always.

Here are two poems for your reflection. The first, by Mary Oliver, describes everyday worry about both the mundane and the sublime. The second, by a Sufi poet, speaks deeply to the mystery of loss and life. Both invite us to learn to “sing” — to offer our song to the world despite the inevitable, or maybe precisely because we are only here for a short while. I hope they speak to you as they did for these people in Inquiry who came forward with their songs.

A postscript: As I was preparing this small post at my desk on Monday afternoon (August 25) I received a call that Antaro Burke had died peacefully an hour earlier, at 3:20 PM. This post is dedicated to him and to Tom Utts, the young man who died in the tragic accident on the morning of August 3.

I Worried

I worried a lot.  Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up.  And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

~ Mary Oliver

The Unbroken

There is a brokenness
Out of which comes the unbroken,
A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow beyond all grief
Which leads to joy
And a fragility
Out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
Too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being.
There is a cry
Deeper than all sound,
Whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open
To the place inside, which is unbreakable and whole,
While learning to sing.

~ Rashani (Sufi poet)

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-08-18-inquiry-flint-sparks



Navigating Our Lives

Earlier this week we completed our Appamada summer residential intensive (July 31 - August 5). The focus of our study and practice for the week was Genjokoan, a powerful teaching from the 12th century Zen Master Dogen Zenji. This piece of writing was not a formal Zen treatise or philosophical writing, but was a personal letter Dogen sent to one of his lay disciples, Koshu Yo, in 1233. Even so, it is probably the most famous piece written in all of Soto Zen literature and is beloved by many. It was written when Dogen was still a young man. He had embarked on a dangerous voyage between Japan and China in 1223 with his Japanese teacher Myozen because they were both committed to discovering the authentic Zen teachings in China. Myozen died while they were on their pilgrimage, but Dogen returned to Japan in1227 with Myozen’s ashes and the way of practice he had received from his Chinese master Rujing.

Just before our summer retreat began I finished reading a book I had begun during my stay on Molokai, Hawaiki Rising: Hokulea, Nainoa Thompson, and the Hawaiian Renaissance by Sam Low. This is a history of the amazing and inspiring story of the rediscovery of open ocean navigation without the aid of a modern compass, maps, sextant or satellite signals. This feat brought together a young Hawaiian man (Nainoa Thompson) with an older man who would become his teacher and mentor, (Mau Pialiug), from a tiny atoll in the South Pacific who held the authentic lineage of the ancient navigators. Nainoa was totally dedicated to his vision of re-enacting the voyage that transported the first people between Hawaii and Polynesia, and Mau yearned to find at least one more committed student to whom he could pass on his ancient knowledge and skill of navigation.

Both stories are about young men with the courage and dedication to meet very difficult challenges. Both found true teachers who believed in them and who transmitted their lineage to their young students so it could be carried forward. Both young men embarked on tasks which had enormous transformative potential against great odds and at great personal risk. Both suffered painful losses in the process and both brought lasting gifts back into the world. This Inquiry used these two stories to encourage us to practice with commitment in order to learn to navigate our lives despite the challenges, fears, lack of clear instructions, and losses along the way. I read some of Dogen’s words and some of Sam Low’s account of the Hokulea’s incredible voyage. I will copy the two readings here and you can listen to the Inquiry on the blog post. What does it mean to find “home?” What does it take to navigate your life when it sometimes seems so unclear and complex? How do things appear when you can’t read the signs? How do the way ultimately unfold through true practice?

From Genjokoan:

For example when you sail out in a boat to the middle of an ocean where no land is in sight, and view the four directions, the ocean looks circular, and does not look any other way. But the ocean is neither round nor square; its features are infinite in variety. It is like a palace.

It is like a jewel. It only looks circular as far as you can see at that time. All things are like this.
Though there are many features in the dusty world and the world beyond conditions, you see and understand only what your eye of practice can reach. In order to learn the nature of the myriad things, you must know that although they may look round or square, the other features of oceans and mountains are infinite in variety; whole worlds are there. It is so not only around you, but also directly beneath your feet, or in a drop of water.


From Hawaiki Rising:

“Bring her down!”

With this command from the navigator, my watchmates and I threw our weight against the steering paddle to bring our vessel off the wind. We are aboard a sailing craft the likes of which has not been seen for centuries. She is called Hokule’a—star of joy—and she is a replica of canoes that once carried Polynesian explorers to discover and settle thousands of islands in a vast watery domain know as the Polynesian Triangle.


For twenty-one days we had sailed through storms and uneasy calms and now we were nearing our destination. Our navigator, Nainoa Thompson, had guided us here without compass, sextant, or charts by signs that only he could read—the paths and shapes of constellations, the curl of ocean swells, the winds. It is an ancient art, practiced for millennia before the “discovery” of Polynesia by European explorers.

Our voyage took us northeast from Tahiti for twenty-four hundred miles until today when Nainoa ordered us to steer directly west. Running with the trade wind, a gossamer mist wafted over the canoe, parting ahead and reforming behind us as we continued on.
Except for catnaps, Nainoa had been on watch the entire voyage, willing himself back to a time when his Polynesian ancestors sailed across similar expanses of ocean. Now, having observed signs invisible to the rest of us, he was certain that the island of Hawai’i lay directly in our path.


“The mist to the north and south moves,” he told me, “but ahead of us it seems to stall. It sits there like a constant fog. That makes me think there’s land ahead.

There was also the wind. For a time it held steadily from astern and we sailed wing-on-wing—one sail to port an done to starboard—then the wind shifted southeast making it hard to fill our sails without changing course. For those of us manning the sweep it was an annoyance. For Nainoa, it was another sign of land.

“The trade winds cannot rise over the high slopes of Mauna Kea so when they encounter the volcano they split to flow around it. Our branch flows southwest down the Puna coast, the other southeast along the Hamakua coast. When the wind veered southeasterly, it was an indication we are north of Hilo.”

As the sun descended, Nainoa observed a slight shift in the density and the color of the sky ahead.

"To the left I see a brightness on the horizon. Looking to the right it’s dark, until farther right it becomes light again. Where it’s dark, there is land breaking the rays of the sunset."


None of us could see these signs. We do not doubt that they exist, but to predict our position within a few miles after such a long voyage seemed impossible. We tacked the canoe to starboard. The Hamakua Coast, if it was there, was invisible in the darkening mist.

Slowly by a latent instinct, we became aware that something large lay to port. We felt it—a kind of pressure. The feeling drew us to the rail, where we stood peering into the darkness. Then, the clouds began to lift, and we saw the twinkling lights of Hilo on our beam.
Speaking for all of us, Nainoa said simply, “We’re home.”
(p. xiii - xiv)

_MG_1684

Inquiry Recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-07-28-inquiry-flint-sparks

Coming and Going

We come and we go. This is very present for me at the moment as I have been away from Austin and Appamada for nine of the last twelve calendar weeks, first teaching in the UK for three weeks in early May and then in Hawaii for another six weeks during June and July. Returning home has been both wonderful and challenging.

Everything comes and goes. This reality of everything coming and going allows us to begin realizing the truth of impermanence. Through sitting practice we discover it as an embodied experience rather than a spiritual idea. Mindfully watching the interplay of all that comes and goes in each moment of our practice we begin to appreciate the vast interplay of this coming and going. Everything is contingent on everything else – slowly revealing itself as the truth of life as it is, not just another Buddhist concept.

Without clearly seeing this dance of impermanence and interdependence, we unconsciously turn our back on the truth that everything comes and goes. The ignorance of, or unwillingness to face this vast, ongoing flux of coming and going, leads us to suffer. These are the Three Marks of Existence as taught by the Buddha — anicca, anatta, and dukkha — impermanence, dependent co-arising, and dissatisfaction. Everything changes, everything is contingent, and discomfort is inevitable. Nothing is permanent, nothing is a “thing,” and nothing is ultimately satisfying. Everything comes and goes.

In Zen we call this “The Great Matter” — birth and death — our embodied coming and going. We practice the Great Matter with a small, embodied matter – the breath – as it comes and goes. We can rest in stillness and silence with a bit of mindful attention to this coming and going, and in the process we cultivate Presence, the deep gift of practice. We can learn to be present to the breath, to each moment of distraction from the breath, to another moment of quiet attention, and then to the many moments of jumbled thoughts and feelings that come unbidden and leave reluctantly. All coming and going. Can we cultivate a capacity for presence to this coming and going?

Suzuki Roshi said, “Just to be alive is enough.” This suggests to me that it is enough to accept the Great Matter and its everyday expression as our life. Our practice is not to get out of life and move into a permanent, blissful, safe place we think of as nirvana. Our practice is to live our actual lives. This is what matters. This is the Great matter. We can be thankful that we are alive because we get to experience dukkha. Realizing dukkha means we are alive, so we can be grateful for dukkha. We can be thankful for our problems. They are aliveness showing itself. Because we are alive we get to have problems. Because we are alive we get to practice Presence. Presence is aliveness, and because we are alive we can be present to coming and going. Noticing that this coming and going is universal, a shared experience we can be grateful for the opportunity to take care of each other. This is life. This is practice. This is presence. This is care. Coming and going. Practice brings us alive — into presence with coming and going — waking us from enchantment with permanence, perfection, and protection.

These are some of the things that arose in Inquiry. I began the sitting with a guided teaching – “Coming Home.” Coming home to our true Nature is our practice and is only possible as we relinquish our longing for permanence, the ideal of perfection, and the hope for protection.

In my Inquiry talk I briefly mentioned a very energetic Hawaiian boy, maybe 6 years old, who I met at a Kualapu’u Ranch event. This boy was all over the place, climbing, running, playing with the other kids, and watching the paniolo’s (Hawaiian cowboys) and the amazing group of Navy Seals helping out (another story!). This boy somehow captured my attention, coming and going with joy and enthusiasm. At one point he called me over to show me a spent shotgun shell he had found – something awesome to him.

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“Uncle!” he cried out to get my attention. I stopped and he stopped. I had never been called “Uncle” by a native Hawaiian child. As a southern boy I was sternly trained to always call my elders “Sir.” This was the Hawaiian equivalent and obviously natural for him. For me, it felt like an honor and it stopped me in my tracks. I felt “seen” in a way that I had not expected and it surprised me. I asked if I could take his picture. He thought for one moment and gave me the Hawaiian sign of friendship and connection. Our coming and going played together for awhile as we spontaneously recognized each other in that moment. Then he was off to play again on his own and so was I. Coming and going. Finding our True Home.

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Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-07-21-inquiry-flint-sparks

The Tangle

This story sets the stage for entry into a large volume of practices and teachings which form the foundation of the Theravadin tradition of Buddhism. Written by Buddhaghosa in Sri Lanka in approximately 430 CE, this comprehensive manual is called The Path of Purification or Visuddhimagga.
When a wise man (person), established in virtue,
Develops consciousness and understanding,
Then as a bikkhu (student) ardent and sagacious,
He (she) succeeds in untangling the tangle.
This was said, but why was it said? While the blessed one was living in Savatthi, a deity came to him in the night, and in order to do away with his doubts, he asked this question:
The inner tangle and the outer tangle —
This generation is entangled in a tangle.
And so I ask of Gotama this question:
Who succeeds in untangling the tangle?
The image used by the Buddha of an inner and outer tangle seems amazingly contemporary. “This generation” is clearly entangled in the same human tangles that existed 2,400 years ago. We usually think of our tangles as problems which are to be solved, so we adopt a “How to” approach to enlightenment as if practice is a method of problem-solving. I notice two broad approaches using this perspective:

If I could only solve all my problems and work out all of my limiting conditioning, then the truth of who I am could shine through.

and

If I could only practice fully, then I would be transformed by the mystical alchemy of enlightenment and all of my problems would fall away.

Both are “problem-solving” approaches: (a) get rid of personal problems and you can achieve enlightenment, or (b) accomplish enlightenment to take care of all of your personal problems. Inquiry and practice then become, “How do I do either a) or b)?”

The true practitioner comes to realize that it is possible to be at ease in the world for no reason—an ease that is beyond conditions—beyond solving personal problems or solving spiritual problems. This freedom exists prior to our desires being satisfied and exists despite life’s difficulties.

The corollary to this realization and the softening of the two problem-solving approaches is that you can come to realize a love that is not based on emotion and that is strangely not personal. In fact, it flowers in the absence of self-concern. This is a love that is a simple fact and which is realized as we see through the illusion of an individual self. There is no thinker doing the thinking. No problem solver to be freed of his or her problems. Self-concern abates while joy for the happiness of others increases. Envy, jealousy, competition, fear, aggression either do not arise, seem irrelevant, or pass away without creating more of a tangle.

Back to the initial story for a moment. Here are a few brief notes that I am including from my own thinking and because they showed up in the Inquiry session itself. How do they open in your life?

When a wise man (person), established in virtue: Practicing with the Precepts
Develops consciousness and understanding: Self Study in Mindfulness
Then as a bhikkhu (student) ardent and sagacious: Diligent, wise care — Appamada
He (she) succeeds in untangling the tangle: Life as it is — Everything belongs

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-06-02-inquiry-flint-sparks

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Reflections on the Hawaii Retreats

Aloha kaua!

This is the Hawaiian greeting of love and care which is inclusive of everyone, including the speaker (as opposed to aloha kakou which is specific to the speaker and the single person being spoken to).

I’ve just returned from six weeks on Molokai having participated in three very different and equally powerful events. First, I was privileged to be part of one of Paula D’Arcy’s circles and was offered the opportunity to drop the teacher role and move deep into conversation with my own questions. I then co-led our annual Heart of Meditation retreat with Donna Martin in which we used the Mary Oliver poem (copied below) To Begin With, the Sweet Grass, as our text. This poem is more like a sutra. It is vast and deep, so we took a week to move through it, each day practicing with what it called forward. Next we moved from Hui Ho’olana where the first two events were held, to Pu’u o Hoku Ranch where Donna and I led an advanced Hakomi training we called Higher Ground. Pu’u o Hoku literally means “the hill under the stars,” and from that expansive hill we practiced together for 10 days. I can’t even begin to unpack all that happened in a brief blog post, so I will lean on Mary Oliver and offer you her poem and some of my photos. These are a poor match for her amazing words, but they allow me to offer something of my own as you read the poem. I hope you will spend some time with what is evoked for you.

To Begin With, the Sweet Grass
~ Mary Oliver

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1.
Will the hungry ox stand in the field and not eat of the
sweet grass?
Will the owl bite off its own wings?
Will the lark forget to lift its body in the air or forget to
sing?
Will the rivers run upstream?

Behold, I say — behold
the reliability and the finery and the teachings of this
gritty earth gift.

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2.
Eat bread and understand comfort.
Drink water, and understand delight.
Visit the garden where the scarlet trumpets are
opening their bodies for the hummingbirds
who are drinking the sweetness, who are thrillingly
glorious.

For one thing leads to another.
Soon you will notice how stones shine underfoot.
Eventually tides will be the only calendar you believe
in.

And someone’s face, whom you love, will be as a
star
both intimate and ultimate,
and you will be both heart-shaken and respectful.

And you will hear the air itself, like a beloved,
whisper:
oh, let me, for a while longer, enter the two beautiful
bodies of your lungs.

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3.
The witchery of living
is my whole conversation
with you, my darlings.
All I can tell you is what I know.

Look, and look again.
This world is not just a little thrill for the eyes.

It’s more than bones.
It’s more than the delicate wrist with its personal
pulse.
It’s more than the beating of the single heart.
It’s praising.
It’s giving until the giving feels like receiving.
You have a life - just imagine that!
You have this day, and maybe another, and maybe,
still another.

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4.
Someday I am going to ask my friend Paulus,
the dancer, the potter,
to make me a begging bowl
which I believe
my soul needs.

And if I come to you,
to the door of your comfortable house
with unwashed clothes and unclean fingernails,
will you put something into it?

I would like to take this chance.
I would like to give you this chance.

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(This photo by Cassy Weyandt)

5.
We do one thing or another; we stay the same, or we
change.
Congratulations, if
you have changed.

6.
Let me ask you this.
Do you also think that beauty exists for some
fabulous reason?

And, if you have not been enchanted by this
adventure — your life —
what would do for you?

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7.
What I loved in the beginning, I think, was mostly
myself.
Never mind that I had to, since somebody had to.
That was many years ago.
Since then I have gone out from my confinements,
though with difficulty.

I mean the ones that thought to rule my heart.
I cast them out, I put them on the mush pile.
They will be nourishment somehow (everything is
nourishment somehow or another).

And I have become the child of the clouds, and of
hope.
I have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that
is.
I have become older and, cherishing what I have
learned,
I have become younger.

And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know?
Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world.

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Presence not Preference

Let's start with the image this time. After teaching for three weeks in the UK, I took the Eurostar through the Chunnel (the improbable tunnel under the English Channel) from the Ashton Station just outside London on to the Gare du Nord in Paris. Although I had visited Paris several times before, I had never experienced it in the Springtime. It was lovely, busy, overcrowded, beautiful, inspiring, overwhelming, expensive and amazing. Like life, it was everything. But, of course, it was also Paris!

Sitting Place de Vosges

I took this iamage with my iPhone through the window of a gallery bordering the Place des Vosges in the heart of the Marais. Obviously the sitting figure caught my eye, but then more appeared. The meditator is steady, balanced, but insubstantial. He or she sits in stillness and silence against a background of color, movement, and passion. In the distant background in the far left corner is a solitary figure standing alone, head down. How many things can you project onto these images? What do these images show you about you? I could see so much of my own practice in this one glimpse through the window, this momentary capture with my ever-present phone.

Following up on last week's Deepest Longing Deepest Fear I spoke about our natural tendency to complicate things, with a prejudice for our personal preferences rather than pure and simple presence. We sit as best we can, coming to realize that there is no life devoid of the “red thread” as it is called in some old Zen stories — passion, embodied, juicy life, with all the emotion that goes with it. In addition, there is the inevitable solitariness we encounter while active and chaotic life swirls around us. This is some of what I saw through the window that afternoon. What do you see? Check out the Inquiry recording and hear what came forward for others when preferences meet presence.

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-05-26-inquiry-flint-sparks

Deepest Longing Deepest Fear

Having just returned from three weeks of teaching in the UK, I am filled with gratitude for the opportunities I continue to receive to practice with many wonderful and dedicated people. From the chilly Lake District in the North, to the rollings moors of the Peak in the Midlands, and finally on to the warmer fields of Sussex in the South, wholehearted students encouraged each other in practicing the dharma. I led two three-day non-residential retreats, one five-day residential retreat, a sangha day on engaging Buddhist practice, a therapist training day on IFS and Applied Mindfulness practices, and an evening for new students on the fundamentals on Inquiry. It was a fantastic experience which I could not have done without every person’s kind support and gentle care.

A strong theme emerged from the various events. Over and over I found this tension revealing itself in the conversations among students in every event. They spoke with me about how much they longed for authentic love and deep connection. In doing so it was as if they were letting me in on their most precious secret, but this secret seemed to be universal. The other side of the tension was that with this longing came an equally powerful struggle to engage and accept love when it was offered. I began to see that our greatest longing calls forward some of our greatest fears, and that the willingness to sit in silence and stillness alongside others somehow called the secret out of the shadows. This vital intersection of longing and fear is a rich place for practice because embodied, relational practice invites both our most primitive instinct for connection and care to surface while, at the same time, evoking our deepest emotional vulnerabilities. Longing and fear are intimate practice partners.

Most of us hold a secret hope is that if we could somehow satisfy our incessant longing for connection and finally get the love we want, that this would quiet our fears. But this is not how it works. Instead, we often find ourselves oscillating between a fear of abandonment (loss of love) at some moments and the discomfort of engulfment (being overwhelmed by love) at others. Back and forth we go seeking our personal “middle way” — a relaxed body, a peaceful mind, and a warm heart. I would wager that few of us grew up being shown by clear example how to navigate this vulnerability. Were you patiently mentored by someone who guided you by revealing their own tender heart while also demonstrating how to sit with the natural longing for secure attachment? Were you helped to understand that clinging to the idea that you can be certain of satisfaction in your longing is a painful fantasy? Were you helped to realize that rejecting the unpredictability and chaos of human relationships is another sure way to suffer? Instead we are more often taught—even encouraged—to expect a sure and certain proof of love and also to be vigilant for the ways in which it is denied, distorted, withheld or forced on us in ways we dislike. Ignoring the whole messy thing doesn’t help either. To ignore this core dilemma is to slowly dry up, both emotionally and spiritually. This is the intersection where vitality swells and recedes depending on our response to life’s difficulties and joys. Practice helps us become a larger container for life energy so it can flow more freely and fully. Ultimately will not get everything we want in just the way we want it, but we can learn not to contract in the face of this reality in ways that are designed to protect us but end up ensuring that we are relatively “safe” but inevitably and deeply disappointed. We hope to be less vulnerable by trying to manage this turbulent boundary between longing and fear, but more often end up feeling small and empty. However, there is an alternative. Steady, well-grounded practice, with the help of patient spiritual friends (and teachers), does offer the freedom we long for, but it does not come in the form of personal satisfaction. It arrives as a freedom from the demand that we are personally satisfied. In this brief Inquiry we begin to touch on this universal theme of longing and fear.

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-05-20-inquiry-flint-sparks

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Inquiry 101

Recently, just before sitting I was thinking that for most of us there seem to be two primary entrees to spiritual practice — great pain or great inspiration. Difficult things happen that bring us to our knees, compelling us to seek answers outside ourselves — beyond our ordinary coping and solace. At other times we are so inspired and blown open by unexpected experiences of immense love and profound grace that we seek a way to integrate these incomprehensible experiences. Either way, we want a way to meet our questions about the inconceivable, the unbelievable, the paradoxical, and the awesome nature of life.

I asked myself, “What would a first-time visitor to Inquiry need to hear? What kind of orientation could I offer that would keep it simple and yet make the way clear?”

I jotted down some personal notes and joined the large group for our sitting.

At the end of meditation I launched into my brief talk with joyful enthusiasm. I felt energized and urgency because these things mean a lot to me. When I finished and began to invite people to come forward with their questions I realized I had forgotten to turn on the recorder. The talk was lost – Impermanent – Ephemeral – Just this moment.

I recall reading that when asked what it means to be a priest, Dogen Zenji, the thirteenth-century monk and founder of the Soto Zen school in which I am ordained replied, “One continuous mistake.” Apparently so! With this realization I pressed the appropriate button and recorded the relational part of the session. Although I was disappointed not to have captured the reflection from my notes, I see once again that engagement with the questions is the most important part. The immediacy and intimacy is the space through which the teachings flow. This is how we meet in Inquiry, Buddha to Buddha, because this is the way the Dharma is expressed and how the Sangha comes to life. The teachings were there, after all, coming forward personally – intimately.

Nonetheless I was asked to share my notes, so here they are. They are not a full narrative, just personal reflections from which I spoke. The portion of the recording I did capture is below (if you are reading this on the blog). I hope you find something of use for your everyday practice.

INQUIRY 101

Meditation

  1. In order to gain some stability of heart and mind, we sit. Hopefully, without too much manipulation, we come to recognize and rest in the stillness and silence that has nothing to do with movement or noise, the essential and primary awareness that is always and already with us, which is always on our side. Basic awareness, our natural state, does not move, does not comment on experience, and has no preferences. Awareness is the unobstructed space in which all conditioned phenomena arise and pass away.

  2. Through regular and steady sitting we also begin to have access to insight associated with the contents of awareness. Resting in the boundless we meet the every day with less obstruction. We learn to bring stability and spaciousness to each thing that arises. Boundlessness meets conditioning with wisdom and compassion with which life flows.

Meeting Suffering

  1. What do we notice as we turn toward suffering? — Our favorite bad feeling, a habitual and predictable ditch we fall into over and over, our addictive cycles of grasping and aversion, the power of shame or fear, and a seemingly endless list of other forms of distress and dissatisfaction. We sit to settle with a modest amount of stability in order to realize what is arising and to see the arising as an object of our consciousness, not as our identity. This shift from identity with the objects of our awareness to the unobstructed flow of awareness is the first gateway to inquiry.

  2. As we open in stable awareness we can then turn toward whatever we become aware of, all the contents of awareness. In doing so we do not attempt to move up and out of experience in an attempt to transcend suffering (remember “trying to outrun suffering” from our last Inquiry?). Instead we move down and into embodied immediacy of present moment experience. Practice does not take us to a place of no suffering. It helps us meet the inevitability of suffering in a new way. The true gift of spiritual practice is not bliss without suffering. It is the peace of not being caught by suffering.

  3. What are some typical ways we come to know suffering? Whatever we discover we can bring to Inquiry.

    1. In the body. Pain, discomfort, ease, pleasure, numbness — anything within the body, as the body. This is the primary source of information in the immediate present.

    2. Primal reactivity in the body-mind. We begin to notice very natural and automatic habits of grasping and recoiling from experience. We may even notice strong traces of the autonomic nervous system’s reacting with flight, fight, or freeze. This all happens in the body before concepts can even be formulated and this is another reason for the cultivation of steady awareness of the body and its reactions.

    3. Thoughts and feelings arise together. We can see the ways we cling to patterns of emotion/thought despite their often painful and unsatisfying results. This is the common territory of psychotherapy. Thought and feeling dance together, inform each other, and create the “self-centered dream” in which we can become entangled. They are gateways to freedom when met in a skillful manner, they are not simply painful symptoms of “pathology” or distress.

    4. Entrancing stories emerge from emotion-thought. Stories are not the problem. Believing our stories is the problem. An alternative would be to simply witness them as creations of our entire body-mind. These are the movies we unconsciously inhabit and then mistake for reality. Through Inquiry we become aware of how we create these virtual realities and react to them rather than relating to the ongoing and contingent flow of the lived moment.
These four ways we come to know suffering correspond generally to the Buddha’s Four Foundations of Mindfulness.
  1. The next question that inevitably arises in this turn toward suffering is: “Are you truly willing to meet all of this, and are you also willing to have all of this seen and met?” It is common to encounter some shaky limitations to seeing and being seen, to meeting and being met, to intimacy and the willingness to engage suffering deeply.

    1. Are you willing for others to bring their own mature stability and insight to meet your vulnerability? This is the question as we engage with trusted teachers and good spiritual friends.

    2. Are you willing to dedicate yourself to practice in order to cultivate your own maturing stability and insight? This might allow you to be a liberating resource for others.

  2. Your life is your answer to the question, “How should I live?” Inquiry does not answer your questions about life. It questions your answers, which is your lived experience of your life. Inquiry is not the answer, it challenges your life which, to this point, is the manifestation of your answer to life’s challenges.

    1. Meet everything, both inside and outside, with Curiosity and Patience

    2. Cultivate an attitude of Intimacy and Care for everything and everyone
Refer to A Few Practice Principles from an earlier blog.

Reactivity Shifts to Resourcefulness

  1. What beliefs about the world do we hold as true? For example: The world (people and experience) is — terrifying, a never-ending challenge, a sad place, full of pain, delightful, awesome, boring, beautiful, one problem after another, full of wonderful people, full of complicated and difficult people...And the list continues.

  2. Truth is, life is everything that it is!

  3. The world IS. I am in this body, at this time, under these conditions, with these people. Therefore, I must ask myself if I am committed to taking good care of myself and my life NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS? This is the self-responsible key to freedom!

A New Relationship With Experience

  1. Practice until it is a habit, not a special “thing” you do now and then.

  2. Always turn toward what arises with curiosity and patience, intimacy and care.

  3. Commit to embodiment. There is no freedom hanging out in the transcendent, as tempting as this may be.

  4. Remember the primary vow – “I will take care of myself and I will be responsible for my life no matter what happens.”

  5. Through practice realize that “self-care” reveals itself ultimately as care for everyone and everything.

The Inquiry Sequence Summary

Remember, (1) engage in meditation in order to mature into enough stability so that you can (2) turn toward suffering, including your resistance to suffering. This will allow (3) a shift from reactivity to resourcefulness. Ultimately, you begin to realize (4) a new relationship with experience.

Thanks for hanging in with this long post and these incomplete notes. The recording includes the Inquiry meetings themselves. The image is by Cassy Weyandt.

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Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-04-14-inquiry-flint-sparks

Lover of Truth

As I was thinking about what to offer in this Inquiry, I remembered these turning lines from Mark Nepo's poem Accepting This:
My efforts now turn
from trying to outrun suffering
to accepting love wherever
I can find it.

Stripped of causes and plans
and things to strive for,
I have discovered everything
I could need or ask for
is right here—
in flawed abundance.
What would it mean to make this simple turn in practice — abandoning our attempts to outpace ever-present suffering and instead, opening to the immense spiritual and emotional nourishment all around us? This was the core question for Inquiry. Going beyond ordinary thinking, relinquishing our habitual strategies for coping, and setting aside the endless striving for something that is right under our noses all along, we can be transformed into a lover of truth. In doing so our world opens, "in flawed abundance."

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-04-07-inquiry-flint-sparks

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Renewal and Original Mind

In this week's Inquiry, I spoke about renewal. It is Spring and the Texas wildflowers are beginning to come forth in profusion. Everything is green and lush. The theme for our recent Intensive at Appamada was "Seasons of Practice," so I have been continuing to reflect on the seasons in my own practice. I was also asked to deliver the Sunday sermon at Wildflower Unitarian Church a few weeks ago. There I spoke of simplicity. I was asked to bring a reading so this is what is copied below, an edited piece drawn from several chapters of the classic Zen Mind Beginners Mind by Shunryu Suzuki Roshi. There is much to contemplate here so I offer it for your reflection. The Inquiry recording (see below if you are reading this on the blog) includes the teachings that emerged and the immediacy of the questions that were met.

From Zen Mind Beginners Mind:
People say that practicing Zen is difficult, but there is a misunderstanding as to why. It is not difficult because it is hard to sit in the cross-legged position, or to attain enlightenment. It is difficult because it is hard to keep our mind pure and our practice pure in its fundamental sense.

In Japan we have the phrase shoshin, which means “beginner's mind." The goal of practice is always to keep our beginner's mind… Our "original mind" includes everything within itself. It is always rich and sufficient within itself. You should not lose your self-sufficient state of mind. This does not mean a closed mind, but actually an empty mind and a ready mind. If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few…

I discovered that it is necessary, absolutely necessary, to believe in nothing. That is, we have to believe in something which has no form and no color—something which exists before all forms and colors appear. This is a very important point. No matter what god or doctrine you believe in, if you become attached to it, your belief will be based more or less on a self-centered idea… So it is absolutely necessary for everyone to believe in nothing. But I do not mean voidness. There is something, but that something is something which is always prepared for taking some particular form, and it has some rules, or theory, or truth in its activity. This is called Buddha nature, or Buddha himself. When this existence is personified we call it Buddha; when we understand it as the ultimate truth we call it Dharma; and when we accept the truth and act as a part of the Buddha, or according to the theory, we call ourselves Sangha. But even though there are three Buddha forms, it is one existence which has no form or color, and it is always ready to take form and color. This is not just theory. This is not just the teaching of Buddhism. This is the absolutely necessary understanding of our life. Without this understanding our religion will not help us. We will be bound by our religion, and we will have more trouble because of it…

So the most difficult thing is always to keep your beginner’s mind. There is no need to have a deep understanding of Zen. Even though you read much Zen literature, you must read each sentence with a fresh mind. You should not say, "I know what Zen is," or "I have attained enlightenment.” This is also the real secret of the arts: always be a beginner. Be very very careful about this point. If you start to practice zazen, you will begin to appreciate your beginner's mind. It is the secret of Zen practice.


Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-03-31-inquiry-flint-sparks

Bluebonnets

If you want a taste of freedom...

I recently spent a week teaching and leading retreats in Madison, Wisconsin where I have been fortunate to travel twice each year for nearly 15 years. This recent trip happened to be the week following the death of Tony Robinson, a 19-year-old young man shot by a Madison police officer. The city was in shock. As my good friend Suzanne drove me from the airport into town we were diverted by police barricades cordoning off the block where people held vigil at the site of the shooting. It was painful to witness the peaceful crowd, mostly silent, as we drove around the protected blocks and continued on our way. In the retreats that followed I heard people speaking of their anger and sadness, the disbelief that such an event could have occurred, and a mixture of outrage and grief. People reached out to the family of the boy who was shot, sensitive to their unthinkable loss. People reached out to the officer and his family, also caught in the cycle of terrible suffering.

I am no expert on these complex matters. I mostly feel impotent and humbled in the face of such tragedy. I happened to have a small book of quotes with me on my trip, given to the participants at a 50th birthday party right before I left for Madison. As we began the retreat I opened this treasure and found the two quotes I've included below, each from someone who has lived more intimately with these matters than I. I hope their words will resonate somewhere in your heart and mind. I brought them to Inquiry as our prompts for practice. You may hear the recording of this session on the blog post itself.

From Harriet Tubman, a brave woman who helped free slaves by establishing the Underground Railroad:
If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If they're shouting after you, keep going. Don't even stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.
From the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality...I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-03-17-inquiry-flint-sparks

Notes on Beginning a Painting

I love the way that creativity in the arts and imagination in spiritual practice inform each other. A very loving student of mine sent a list to me a few years ago after encountering it in an exhibit of Richard Diebenkorn's work at the De Young Museum in San Francisco. She told me a lovely story of how she was suddenly stopped as she read it inscribed on the wall at the entrance to the galleries displaying his work, and how she scrambled to find a piece of paper in which to copy what she had discovered. After receiving her generous gift of the list I filed it in a special place knowing I would use in Inquiry at some point. It was one of those treasures that I put away for safekeeping and ends up hidden as a result. I rediscovered it this week and am finally sharing it with you. I hope you find it as inspiring and challenging as I did. The list was found among Diebenkorn's papers following his death in 1993. The list could be a set of practice instructions for meditation or equally a challenging set of directions for an amateur photographer like me. Here is the list, including the spelling and capitalizations as they appeared in the original as it was found.
  1. Attempt what is not certain. Certainty may or may not come later. It may then be a valuable delusion.

  2. The pretty, initial position which falls short of completeness is not to be valued — except as a stimulus for further moves.

  3. Do search. But in order to find other than what is searched for.

  4. Use and respond to the initial fresh qualities but consider them absolutely expendable.

  5. Don't "discover" a subject — of any kind.

  6. Somehow don't be bored — but if you must, use it in action. Use its destructive potential.

  7. Mistakes can't be erased but they move you from your present position.

  8. Keep thinking of Pollyanna.

  9. Tolerate chaos.

  10. Be careful only in a perverse way.
This is the kind of list that is worth staying with and revisiting, like an old koan, a good poem, or a lovely painting. With intimacy it continues to open to you. Below is the Inquiry session we shared with the list.

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-03-03-inquiry-flint-sparks

If you are interested in Diebenkorn's work, I would invite you to check out this Ocean Park Series. You can see some of the images and read an excellent review linked here. A review from the L.A. Times reflecting on these "large abstract paintings Diebenkorn made in his Santa Monica studio between 1967 and 1985" describes them as "translucent veils of vaporous color (which) seem suspended in shifting space from a tremulous linear scaffolding...". With humility and gratitude I offer this image in response to these grand paintings. This is the sky and ocean on the north shore of Molokai.

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Ordinary Mind: Everyday Life and Death

In a recent Inquiry I asked a basic question regarding practice: "How simple are you willing to let this be?" I followed this question the very next week by including a few basic practice fundamentals: Curiosity and Patience, Intimacy and Care. By discussing practice in these everyday terms, dropping any excessive complexity and formality, I hoped to encourage students to see that profound practice is possible in our everyday lives. Interestingly, there is an old Zen story that points to the same attitude and these same basic attitudes regarding practice. The well known story to which I am referring is Case 19 in the Gateless Gate, one of the classic collections of koans or Ancestor stories of the Zen school. Remember, these koans are simply accounts of encounters between a student and a teacher in which something significant is at stake and an unexpected turn helps the student see their life in an entirely new way. This story is about Joshu who would later become one of the great masters of Chinese Chan meeting his teacher Nansen. Here is the story.

Joshu earnestly asked Nansen, “What is the Way?”
Nansen answered, “The ordinary mind is the Way.”
Joshu asked, “Should I direct myself toward it or not?”
Nansen said, “If you try to turn toward it, you go against it.”
Joshu asked, “If I do not turn toward it, how can I know that it is the Way?”
Nansen answered, “The Way does not belong to knowing or not-knowing. Knowing is delusion; not-knowing is a blank consciousness. When you have really reached the true Way beyond all doubt, you will find it as vast and boundless as the great, empty firmament. How can it be talked about on a level of right and wrong?”
At these words, Joshu was enlightened.

The Inquiry talk goes further into this koan, but suffice it to say that the phrase that is important here is Nansen's answer, "Ordinary mind is the Way." There are five Chinese or Japanese characters that make up this translation. The first two modify each other and could be translated as "ordinary, everyday, natural or usual." The the third character stands for "heart-mind, essence, existence or whole being." The fourth could be translated as "just" as in "justice" (not as in "simply") and the final character means "way, road or path" and modifies the previous character. So a crude translation might be something like "Everyday heart-mind is the true path." Of course, we think that everyday mind is the problem, not the solution. But practice shows us that whatever arises in our heart/mind is a potential gateway to freedom, not a barrier to liberation, if we meet the arising with patient curiosity and an intimacy expressed as care. This is simply another way of talking about the encounter between Joshu and Nansen.

I was prepared to speak about this old story because it reflected the more contemporary way I was talking about practice, and then something unexpected happened. A dear friend and sangha member suddenly and shockingly lost her husband. I knew she was going to be at Inquiry so I considered changing my topic. However, meeting the pain of unexpected loss and the attendant suffering, is ordinary life; life and death are everyday matters and the core of practice. I think you will hear in the Inquiry recording the ways in which the sangha supported each person as they sought to turn toward the shocking and incomprehensible fact that we are alive now and someday we will not be alive. Turning toward what we usually avoid with courage and gentleness is the "just" way of meeting our heart and mind. This is everyday mind. Ordinary mind.

Inquiry recording:
https://soundcloud.com/appamada-zen/2015-02-17-inquiry-flint-sparks

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